Rant On Body Functions

      Welcome, my lovelies, to another rant-iful sunday! Today, class, we will be talking about how your body doesn't understand what you want it to look like or feel. We'll go from the toes up!

Crap your feet do:
-Turn your toes into finger looking creatures with odd bumps (even though you're going into sandal season)
-Look like there's absolutely no flesh on it (aka. Skeleton feet)
-Pop the veins out (if you haven't already looked gross enough)

Stuff your legs/butt do:
-Look super toned when you stand up, but when you sit down, the flesh just falls into the chair
-or even worse, your thighs clap together making the "Thunder Thighs"
-Absorb the food that you just ate
-Takes the zebra cake you just ate, but still looks flat
-"Nice jeans... where'd you butt go? All well!"

Stuff your torso does:
-Makes you look flat chested (especially on those special days where you see cute guys)
-Poof! There goes your waist in that tight shirt, now you look like an apple and not an hourglass, or even a pear!
-Shows off how much you ate (and you know you measure how much you eat by how far your tummy goes beyond your chest)
-"Finally happy with it? Cool, now it's going to change completely. Have fun feeling fat for a month!"

Things your arms do:
-Break out
-Look like Chewbacca's hairy butt
-Look either too scrawny or fat
-Elbows that look 20x darker than the rest of you body

Now for your face:
-"Hey! You have your birthday/ party coming up? Let's break out so it looks like you got herps on your face!"
-"Dry face? Lotion it and see what happens.... "You're taking a picture..? GLARE!"
-"Sun outside! YAY! BURN!"


     Obviously, your body hates you, but it's up to you on whether or not you want it to stay messed up. eat good goods, do some waist twists (I just did 200), and stay happy. Tell your body to Shut the Frumpty Dump Up and take control. Stay hot and you are beautiful whether your body knows it or not!

Hero